Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
