I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
