if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
