I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Less talking, more tequila
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
