I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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