I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
