Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
