It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
3pm strippers are depressing
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
