Will you blow on my dice?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
