so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
