Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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