I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
