we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
