I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
