Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
