Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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