this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
