my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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