thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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