I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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