I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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