So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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