i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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