a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize