I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize