its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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