i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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