And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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