can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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