Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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