GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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