I will die if light touches me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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