his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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