she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
