I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
