Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
