I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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