There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
