It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we're so committed to being not committed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
