I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
