Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
