: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
