he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
