Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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