My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
