Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
