its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize