Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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