Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dear god my vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
