I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
