He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize