i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
