why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you're hired as official boob wrangler
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
