Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
