I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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