I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
