I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
