just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
