I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
