I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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