He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
