Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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