A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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