Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
