if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize