Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
