Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
