R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
