she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Houston, we have a blender
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
