my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
