i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
