you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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