okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize