How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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