plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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