Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize