Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
