It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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