Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
