I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
